Sister Hellen's SPI Family
The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence's initiation process for
becoming a Nun, Priest, Guard or other member of an Order
involves many things including sponsorship from existing fully
Professed Members. Traditionally, we have referred to our
primary Sponsor as our "Mother". So every new member who
joins an Order has at least one mother. We also have
co-sponsors that have been known as Big Sister or Godmothers who
help "raise" the new member. Because of this structure,
the Sisters sometimes refer to the mother/daughter relationship
as family lines. Of course there are a few issues with
viewing these relationships as a family tree... New
members may change their primary sponsor more than once.
There is only one primary sponsor as opposed to a mother
and father that bio families have. And last, in the early
days of the San Francisco Order,
The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have a long history of
sponsoring new Nuns. We affectionately refer to our
primary sponsors as our "Mothers" and any additional sponsors as
either Big Sisters or God Mothers. So based on that
Sisters can trace their lineage forward, backwards an sideways
to other members. Of course, like most dysfunctional
families, there are divorces, abortions and adoptions too. So
with out further ado, I present Sister Hellen's clan members
didn't necessarily need sponsorship. We refer to those
days as the, "Poof, you're a Nun!" days.
Anyways... the following is my current point of view on my
family tree. Bush. Vine. Oh hell!
Sister Hellen Wheels, Acting Superior
Mother of the Daughters of the Divine Eruption
That would be me.
Sister Dana Van Iquity
Lets start with Hellen's Mother and only sponsor.
Technically, Dana was Father Butch's Mother. It should be
noted that Dana is my Mother, Sister and Father. I am her
Daughter, Son, Brother and Mother ...but that's another LOOONG
story. Sister Dana started with The Sister in 1985 and was fully
professed later that year. She has been the Mistress of
Novice, Mistress of Press and general public relations whore for
the San Francisco Bay TImes; witting more columns under Sr. Dana
that even she can count! OK, so math really isn't Dana's
Sister Mysteria of the Holy Order of the
Dana's Mother and Hellen's Grandmother. Dana was also sponsored by
Sister Boom Boom. Mystie was the first official biologically
female Sister in any Order. She began with the Sisters in
1984 and was affectionately known as 'Grandma' by Hellen.
...either that or 'dirty granny Mystie.' Mystie would tell
the new gurls in the Order about the old days and what life was
like for a Nun while we were still more gorilla theater than
non-profit organization. She'd then invite them to sit on
her lap which was always a learning experience. Sister Mystie
passed through the veil in 2011 and joined the Nuns of the
above. We will miss her.
Sister Marquesa de Sade
Mystie's Mother, Marquesa stared with the San Francisco Sisters in
1982. Know for her catsuits and holey fishnets, she never
wore anything other than black with occasional white trim.
Marquesa was also a Novice Mistress; probably the most feared as
she was rarely without her riding crop. Believe me, she did know
how to use it too! Sr. Marquesa preceeded Mystie in passing
through the veil in 1996.
Sister Boom Boom aka Sister Rose of the
Blood Stains of Jesus Christ
Sister Boom Boom is one of the most renowned Sisters for many
reasons. Probably most famous is her run for San Francisco
Board of Supervisors as Boom Boom; he lost by the slimmest of
margins. His campaign slogan touted who to vote for, "Nun of
the Above." His main post is now a collector's item
featuring Boom Boom riding a broomstick ala The Wicked Witch in
Wizard of Oz, skywriting, "Surrender Diane" in reference to then
Mayor Diane Finestein. Boom Boom Resigned her membership
just before Dana was fully professed, leaving Mystie as Dana's
only full-term Mother. Although never getting to spend time
with Boom Boom in habit, he has bestowed loads of information on
me about the early years and inspired me to keep a sense of humor
about all religious beliefs including my own.
Sister Vicious Power Hungry Bitch
Marquesa's Mother and Hellen's Great Great Granny! As you
should know by now, Vish is a Founder and was there literally from
the beginning (maybe earlier.) Know for her political activism,
Sister Vish is still helping to steer the SF House toward causes
for the downtrodden and under represented. Great Great
Grandma Vish is the defacto "Grand dame" of SPI as he has been
manifesting in public for a very, very
Sister Kitty Catalyst OCP
Kitty is Dana's only other surviving daughter and mother to a
gaggle of SF Sisters of her own. Kitty, Dana and Hellen were
think as thieves back in the day and may have pushed the envelope
of "Indulgence" more than any other trio of Nuns did without
getting caught by the police or censured by the Order! Lots
of weird, wonderful and surreal stuff came out of our friendship
and Kitty's "hit and nun" style of Sistering; most infamously
being the Sister Socks Show
If you haven't experienced the SSS, then you haven't really met
Sister GladAss of the Joyous Reserectum
Hellen's first daughter. Sister Julia Sunbeam was originally
GladAss's Mother, but abandoned the poor little waif mid-term so
that Hellen had to complete the birthing process. Now days,
that wouldn't be allowed as GladAss and Hellen were married and we
no longer allow significant others to sponsor, but we only had 10
fully professed members to choose from and most already had
obligations. Anywho, GladAss started with the San Francisco
Sisters in 1991 and was fully professed in 1992. She then
moved down to the South Lands aka Los Angeles and acted as the
founding sponsoring/member for the LA Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence
Not to rest on her laurels, GladAss also was senior adviser to the
Palm Springs Sisters when they formed as well.
Sister GiGi Fa'Q, the French Whore
Hellen's second daughter. I met GiGi at a Imperial Court
Investiture in 1995 and she instantly became friends with Dana,
Kitty and moi. GiGi was fully professed in the San Francisco
Order in 1996. She has been the SF Order's Treasurer, board
member and Sexitary. She also is the Mother of many more
Nuns including Gina Tonic. Sadly (for me anyway) GiGi moved
back to her native Paris and went on to help reunite the Paris
Order. She continues to pop out new Nuns to this day.
Sister Tuna Noodle Cocktail aka Guard
Tightly Whitey, Spawn of Sister Hellen Wheels
Guard Tighty Whitey is Hellen's first and only son. Just as
you think you're ready to retire and spend your afternoons
watching reruns of Gidget and Family Affair, along comes some
smooth talking little whipper snapper that cons you into taking
them under your wing. Sheez! Seriously, when TW asked
me to be his mother, I had already made up my mind that I was
retiring from the Order. I really wasn't sure I had it in me
to sponsor another member, but agreed just the same. That
was in 2008, and TW was fully professed in 2009. TW now
better known as Sister Tuna
has helped run several events as well as
being Sexytary and Board Chairnun. He has helped breath new
life into Hellen's profession and the San Francisco Order.
Sister Gina Tonic the Sparkling
Gina is Hellen's first Grand Daughter in the San Francisco Order.
Gina has held many jobs in the Order including President and
Mistress of Novices. She can often be found ministering to
the partying masses on safer sex. She also happened to be
one of the Novices Hellen helped raise as Mistress of Novices.
And no I didn't show here any preferential treatment.
Well maybe just a little.
Sister Betty Tasteswell, the Selfrising
Betty is Tuna's first daughter and Hellen's second grand daughter
in the SF Order. Betty is so far breaking the family
tradition of being a total whore. Oh well, there's one black
sheep in every family. Betty's ministry often revolves
around youth programing. That and baking; he's quite the
Auntie Hellen's Gang
Sister Selma Soul
Selma is Hellen's first Goddaughter, her mother being Sister Bea
Attitude. Selma formally joined the Order in 1998 and was fully
professed the same year. Selma also known as Saint Cabana Boy and
Hellen have been friends for years and Selma has done so many
duties for the SF Order that she puts many of us to shame. Selma
has also helped many new members get their footing in the Order.
Sister Sharin' Dipity Reveal
Sister Hellen's second Goddaughter, her mother is Sister Lily
White. Sharin' started her process with the Sisters in 2001
and was fully professed the next year. Like Selma, Sharin'
has taken on many roles for the SF Sisters and has helped many new
Sisters join the Order.
Sister Sybil LiberTease
Sib is Hellen's third and last Goddaughter, her mother is Sister
Sharin'. Like so many of the Sisters that I have offered
some modest assistance to, Sybil also came along when Hellen was
considering backing off from the group. Syb is a well know
character in the Castro District and introduced Hellen and the
rest of the Order to lots of new people who have helped us with
events and enjoy our short time on this planet more.
Sister KrisTall Mighty of the Towering
KrisTall is the first of Hellen's Little Sisters. KrisTall's
mother is the delightful Sister Merry Peter. KT has done
numerous outreach projects with the San Francisco Order including
a project to hand out coats and blankets to the city's homeless on
a one-on-one level. Her efforts helped hundreds if not
thousands of disenfranchised San Franciscans make it though the
winter and even colder summer nights. KrisTall has since
moved to and helped to found the Cleveland Sisters of Perpetual
Sister Barbra Ganesh
Barbra is Hellen's second Little Sister. Her mother is the
Gracious Sister Titania Humperpickle. Barbra started her
process as a member of the San Francisco Order in 2009 and if all
continues well, she'll be a fully professed Nun this year.
Hellen met Barbra through the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
where she directed our 30th Anniversary Show. Rachel is a
highly connected even producer and acclaimed author, not to
mention just plain old funny nutjob! Although I want her to
get her black veil soon, I almost hate to lose getting to help
sponsor her process.
Sister Agnes Dei'afta Tamara
Also known as Rhoda Balonypony, she is Hellen's last Little Sister
(and yes I do mean LAST
Agnes has been active in many of the Order's projects and hasn't
tied himself down to any specific kind of event. She's
helped set up penny drives, wrangled nuns for Pink Saturday and
organized some fabulous sistory lessons for the Order. He's
most happen when helping the other Sisters do their thing.
Sister MaryMae Hymm of the Havoc Habit
MaryMae is the daughter of Penny Costal. Although not an
official sponsor, Hell and MM were very good friends during her
process to gain her black veil and it became a running joke that
Hellen wasn't so much her Godmother, but rather her Evil
Godmother. MM first joined the order in 1995 and was fully
professed in 1997, but Hellen who had just been elected to the job
of Mistress of Novices. MaryMae has been involved with many AIDS
related issues with the Order and has gone on to become a Buddhist
Monk. I was very proud to be asked to formal ceremony
joining Buddhist Monastery here in San Francisco.
Sister MaryRalph, the Proper Nun
Mary Ralph who's mother happens to be MaryMae, is also
affectionately known as Hellen's Evil Goddaughter. Again,
Hellen wasn't an official sponsor, but as a close friend often
found herself giving advise and comfort during the little
nunling's process though Postulant and Novice. MR formally
joined the Order in 2005 and was fully Professed in 2007.
Since that time, she run way too many events, fundraisers and
parties than I'd care to think about.
Of course, over the course of 20+ year, there have been lots of
other Sisters in San Francisco and other Orders that I feel very
close to, but haven't "officially sponsored." I think of
many Sisters as my family too so in a sense there are lots of
little Hell'ions out there...